Heels– A Rant

I’ve heard many a person say, “I hate heels, it doesn’t do anything, doesn’t help, big pain in the a**” etc. throughout my 16 sixteen years.

9-Shes-the-Man-quotes

One of the best anti-heels responses I’ve ever heard from She’s The Man

Well folks, listen up because Imma edumacate you.

Let’s begin with one of the greatest starters I’ve ever heard: “The sex in the heel” from Kinky Boots.

Also this video by the almighty Try Guys that’s a pretty good description of the pros and cons of heels:

If worn properly (back straight, etc.):

  1. Heels push up your rear – “Asserting actual scientific reason
    Heels tense the leg and the hindquarter region
    Lifting the rear and making it appear
    Pert and ready for mating season”
  2. And push back your shoulders – Which will perk up your knockers and enhance your posture.
  3. Look taller = look thinner – Look at #6
  4. Legs and rear look more toned/firm – Because of the strain.
  5. Holds your head up high – When you look at the floor while walking, not only will it look bad, you’ll fall on your face at some point so it’s better to keep your head high. Heels help you practice this and makes you look like a boss in the process.
  6. Pull off clothes you normally can’t – Helps you look like a lady and not like a kid playing dress up.

This part is a bit tricky to explain but all of those factors^ aid and abet not just your exterior but also your confidence and appreciation of self. That’s one of the best things about clothes. They make you feel beautiful and when you feel beautiful- your look is complete.

giphy

So you see? They do do something! 😀

I’ve thought of addressing all the negative comments I’ve encountered throughout the years but I figured I’ll win the Guinness World Record for longest blog post if I do.  Instead, I’ll address whatever comes to mind first:

  • Don’t knock it till you try it. More than once. — I realise that some people like it immediately (like my sister), others never will (which is cool), and for some it’s an acquired taste. Like horror films. What I’m saying is, don’t assume you hate it after the first two/three times. If it’s something that really doesn’t strike your fancy, don’t bash it for other people and try to acknowledge what they like about it.
  • There’s nothing wrong with not liking heels — Already said^ but again; acknowledge their dislike and move on if you have nothing good to say.
  • If someone spends a lot of money on heels, so what? It’s their money and obviously heels make them happy, don’t make them feel guilty for that. Teensy FYI, this applies to general circumstances. If you know someone who’s a shopaholic and spending their money on heels is throwing them in a downward spiral, that’s something else (Rebecca Bloom, I’m looking at you).

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One final thing! Wearing heels won’t turn you into pre-apocalyptic Regina George, you’re still you. I personally consider looking good as putting your best ‘foot’ forward (ha.ha.ha.).

giphy-2

What do we say to plagiarism? Not today! (To my 10th grade English teacher: I’m sorry it’s not in APA)

http://www.okmoviequotes.com/heels-are-a-male-invention-designed-to-make-womens-butts-look-smaller.html

http://www.metrolyrics.com/sex-is-in-the-heel-lyrics-original-broadway-cast-recording.html

https://giphy.com/search/confessions-of-a-shopaholic

For the youtube videos, just click on the video itself for the link.

https://giphy.com/gifs/hair-flip-rgsNOc5lHMvzW/

https://giphy.com/gifs/snl-saturday-night-live-season-42-l4JyTJ5xhpU2PZGQU/

 

This is the longest post I’ve ever made. 

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